I don't know why I can't cry right now. I don't know why this is affecting me so badly. Or why I want to cry so badly right now. I don't know anything except that I just want to put my head down and let it all out, but nothing will come. I want this out of me. I want this bad feeling that has nestled itself so comfortably within my body to leave. I just want to rip it out and stomp on it til it stops moving. I want to feel new. I want to start over. I want to stop caring so much about this parasite in my chest. I want to stop feeling so stupid for caring about somebody that doesn't feel it towards me. I want to stop carrying on about him. I want to move on. But I don't. I want to move on with him. I want to make this better, but how do you make something better that never existed in the first place? How is it possible to feel something that isn't there? Why am I such a psycho? How did it even get to this point? I don't even remember. I don't remember before and I don't see an after. All I comprehend is what is around me now. What isn't around me now. I want my life back.
2 comments on Cherry Coke
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inspirations
said 1 years ago
[SMILE] hardtimes, will get over it one day
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dutchuncle
said 9 months ago
Jackie, I feel for you here! THIS has been the story of my love life by and large. Only thing I know is to go looking for something or someone ELSE to love that will return the good feelings and love you have for it/ them.. It can be volunteer work or church work or a job or a person who is worth caring about & who returns the love. Problem is inconsolable and almost impossible to overcome when it happens and you're over 50. I got dumped after 20 years when I shoulda dumped her after only 7 years -- then I woulda had time to start over again. That doesn't exist now -- I'm just starting AGAIN with platonic friendships that have to replace love/erotic friendships and hoping it's enough to make life worthwhile enough to be rewarding. I understand "To thine own self be true," now -- meaning, I should NOT always have done the unselfish thing like I was always taught. It woulda worked if everyone else was being honest and unselfish, too -- but you can't count on that these days! Pity...[SAD][HEART]
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