Like It, :Love It:, ~*~Grab It~*~

You know a year ago if the boy I'm sort of seeing now had been as aggressive as he is now I would have been the happiest person in the world. Insert 12 months and a heartbreak inbetween from somebody else, and everything changes. Why did he wait so long? Why didn't he realize there was something about me that he liked last summer, before all the drama with boy #2 started? I can't help but think about how much easier my life would be right now if life had turned out that way. Obviously there's a reason. There's also a reason why I keep maintaining a safe distance with the boy from last summer. I don't know how I feel about him. I know I feel SOMETHING... I was extremely jealous watching him flirt with other girls. Yet I know it feels wrong to let myself completely fall for him again. What if when I finally do, boy #2 comes to his senses and starts acting normal again? Ok that was the most pathetic sentence I've ever written about myself, but it's so honest it hurts. I KNOW I cannot wait around for somebody that's obviously not interested, but if I made any type of committment with the boy from last summer now it would almost be like I was cheating on him since my feelings are still not straight. Then there's the whole going back to school thing in a few weeks. Is it even possible to have an anything with a guy 2 hours away that you only dated for a few months? It definitely didn't work with my high school sweetheart, somebody I'd dated for a year before leaving. Jeez, this is all so complicated. I wish I could skip all this bs and just be in a stable something. I would love to have somebody to come home to, somebody to laugh with and kiss whenever I wanted. I think there is something deeper, though that I'm looking for. Why else would I have pushed boy #2 away earlier this summer and right now not even sure if I want to give the boy from last summer another chance? Two great, hot, sweet, and funny guys that were totally into me. The perfect boyfriend, and I found 2 in just a few months and managed to make both relationships way too complicated. I have got to figure out what is going on. Is it self-confidence? I think I'm a pretty cool girl and while there are things I need to work on, I don't think I'm a pathetic loser. Are there people out there that just don't trust and hate committments for no logical reason? Haha I really need a shrink. I hope I am able to figure this out before I lose another boy.